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Team SOG Kills My Immortal
Author's Notes: This isn't really a "Vent" story. When I wrote this, I wasn't very knowledgeable about Harry Potter, and wasn't super offended by "My Immortal" for bastardizing the series, as so many others were. That said, "My Immortal" is still a disgrace to writers everywhere, in every regard of the word. Also, the bits about politics were written BEFORE the recent developments in the 2016 presidential campaigns. So, why did I write this then? Well, since Mutahar of SomeOrdinaryGamers, and his friends put up with reading this story for their viewers' entertainment, I felt like they deserve a little praise. At the end of part 10, what they initially believed to be the finale, they posted a joking "Where are they now?" reveal, showing that Mutahar was sent to a mental ward for suggesting the idea of a flying car to Mercedes, Kyle apparently was found out to the be the original author, Imaru develops an unhealthy addiction to My Chemical Romance, and prostitutes himself out as a means to buy concert tickets, and Acegon became president. Since then, they've continued reading the story. So, this little parody piece of fiction is about Mutahar and Company getting revenge for their damaged braincells. I hope you all enjoy this nugget of nonsense! Team SOG Kills My Immortal "You have a visitor, Anas," the warden says to the mental patient. There was a disheveled man in his padded cell, wearing a straight jacket. Mutahar was muttering "MCR rocks," and "Flying Mercedes" over and over. His visitor entered the room. His face was unseen, but the Ordinary Gamer recognized him. "Hey... I know you... You're the 'Whistleblower'," Mutahar says after a minute. That had been his first coherent sentence since being admitted to this loony bin. "You're correct," the man says. "Waylon Park is the name." "Yeah, you're from that Outlast DLC," Mutahar replied. "What the fuck do you want?" "I want to give you a chance at justice. A chance to get back at those who put you here," Waylon answered, holding out a file folder to our hero. "No way, dumbass," he snaps back. "First, my arms are tied up, and second, the last guy you hired ended up dead." "It's true, Miles' end was unfortunate, but this is different. You won't be investigating an asylum in a well-made game, but rather, infiltrating a poorly-written fanfiction. 'My Immortal.' I have an acquaintance who may be able to help you get revenge. I've already sent out messages to the rest of Team SOG, and they should be arriving here soon," Waylon continued as he opened the folder. "'Extremelixer'; or, Kyle Jackson. He was used as a fall guy. His name was forever tainted on the internet after being framed as the author of 'My Immortal'. Imaru; after reading the story, he developed PTSD, and as a result, has an unhealthy sexual attraction to the band 'My Chemical Romance'. Aceagon; current crowd favorite in the running for the United States Presidential Campaign. And lastly, you, Mutahar Anas, the 'SomeOrdinaryGamer'. You were committed to the re-opened Mt. Massive Asylum after submitting a flying car idea to Mercedes, and going on about 'MCR' and converting to 'Stanism'. Even though you have read countless terrible creepypastas, and have been the subject of at least one erotic fanfiction, which you ALSO read, 'My Immortal' was too damaging for you," Park thumbed through the rest of the pages in the file. "And you don't want revenge on the author of the atrocity that put you here?" "Even if I got revenge, it wouldn't undo the damage," Muta sighs, leaning up against the padded wall. "My mind got so fucked up that I actually think Sonic.EXE is a good creepypasta now." "Holy shit," Waylon says, surprised. "You ARE fucked up in the head." "Yes, Shirley," said another voice. "I'm sure about this move. This will jump our campaign supporters WAY higher than Trump AND Sanders. Just make it happen. And cancel my 3 o'clock appointment. I've got a thing. Alright, bye," the figure the voice belonged to walked around the corner. "Sorry about that, Waylon. That was my secretary," the man is revealed to be Ace, dressed in a nice suit with an American Flag pin. "We've got this election in the bag." "I see. Maybe after you get elected, you can get some tax dollars dedicated towards improving medical facilities like this one?" Park asked, hopefully. "Nah, I've got better ideas. Free bacon ever Wednesday!" Aceagon finally noticed Mutahar in the corner. "Shit my balls, Muta. You look awful." "Fuck off, asshat. I'm not interested in this little adventure. So, you and Waylon get the hell out of here!" "Way? Did someone say Way!?" another voice echoed down the hall. Imaru came barreling towards the solitary confinement chamber, stopping in front of the two standing men. "You're not Gerard! I can't even see your face!" "Not 'Way'. 'WayLON'," Ace explained. "Oh, right. You're that prep who called us here. Just look at this outfit," Imaru huffed, making note of Waylon's corduroy shirt, worn over a white long-sleeved shirt. "He looks better than you do, Imaru," says a slightly muffled voice. A man with a bag covering his face approached. "You and Muta got it the worst. MCR has really gone to your head." Imaru looked like he was going through a Goth phase himself. He was wearing a black MCR shirt, had dyed red streaks in his hair, and was wearing black nail polish. "Take off the bag, Kyle!" Mutahar shouted. "There's no use in hiding your shame." "I told you, I didn't fucking do it!" Extremelixer said as he yanked the bag off. "I was framed! It's bad enough everyone thinks I wrote that piece of cancer, but DARPA tried to hire me to make weapons for them because how many brain cells it killed. When they found out that I didn't write it, I got put under constant surveillance!" "Put the bag back on, and I'd suck your dick for an MCR ticket." "NO!" Kyle shouts, throwing the bag at Imaru. "Enjoy them while you can," Ace says, taking off his fancy blue-tooth headset. "As soon as I become president, my first order is going to be to outlaw anything that was related to that story. That includes Harry Potter, MCR, Greenday, and anything remotely related to being Goth." "You better fucking not!" As they started to quarrel, Mutahar just laid back against the wall, not feeling anything. Waylon noticed the hollow expression in his eyes. "Everybody, SHUT UP!" The sudden outburst made everybody quiet down. "The reason I called you all here is because I have a way to fix all of this. Kyle, you can clear your name. Imaru, you'll be able to break your addiction, Mutahar, this should be able to repair your broken mind, and Ace.... I don't know what this has to do with running for president, and I don't know how you'll be affected, but still, we need your help." "What do you need us to do?" Ace asked, taking out his next-generation iPhone that wasn't even in stores yet. "I've got an army of cronies at my disposal." "No. This is something only you four can accomplish. I've already gotten clearance to get you out of here, Mutahar. But what we'll be asking you to do may be dangerous. I can't guarantee you'll come back alive," Park finished. "Well, I've got nothing better to do," Muta sighed, standing up. "What do we need to do?" "I'll explain everything back at the HQ," Waylon replied. "But first, Mutahar, get out of that straight jacket. Imaru, lose the Goth look. That style died out years ago, and you can't let yourself be influenced by 'My Immortal'. Kyle, you don't need a bag for this, and Ace, cancel any appointments you have for the rest of the week." A few hours later, the group arrived at a secret underground facility. Waylon opened the locked door with a keycard, and the command center looked like a panic room, but with a much larger computer screen, and another door in the back. "My contact should be here any minute. He's the one who can help you." "What do you expect us to do?" Imaru asked. "The best way to change a story is to become the author. Since the story was left unfinished, our plan is to have you four finish the fanfiction." "Oh, fuck that!" Kyle shouted. "I don't want to confirm the rumors!" "Well, that's the only way," said a nostalgic voice over the loud-speaker. A panel on the wall opened up, accompanied by a voice from nowhere shouting "BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!" On the other side of the window was Bill Nye the Science Guy. "Bill Nye? Really? He's become a cliched trollpasta trope," Mutahar sighs. "Well, you need science on your side for this mission, and I've come up with the best way to accomplish the goal," he typed on his keyboard, and the monitor on the wall lit up, displaying the last chapter of "My Immortal." "In short, our plan is to send you into the story, and you'll finish writing it from within. How you choose to end this story is up to you, and will determine how the real world will be affected." "How does this even work?" Ace asked. "Some have theorized that nothing is ever created. Everything already exists, and people simply become aware of it, thus giving it an outlet to come into our world. Like in Digimon Tamers," Bill explains. "This fanfiction has always existed, and used Tara to infiltrate the internet, but since it was left unfinished by her, somebody has to finish it, but if you go into the story directly, you can change the outcome. We have created a portal that should allow you to do this." "This is all kinds of bullshit logic. Even for a trollpasta," Ace snorts. "Of all the leaps of logic in My Immortal, you're going to question THIS?" asked Kyle. "Precisely. Now, I've already set the coordinates for the story's origin point, all we have to do is-" Bill was interrupted by a loud banging on the door from his side of the room. Suddenly, Sonic.EXE burst into his room. "You're too slow!" the demon hedgehog let out a Kefka Laugh before he proceeded to attack Bill, ripping out his eyes and his heart. "Tremble before me! I AM GOD!" "You're about to be god of the recycle bin!" Mutahar shouted as he ran to the nearest computer. Suddenly, a large mouse pointer appeared above Sonic.EXE. "What is this!?" he shouted as he was clicked on. The cursor dragged him to the nearest trash can and dropped him in it. Typing quickly, Mutahar selected "Empty Recycle Bin", and Sonic.EXE was deleted. "Well, the fact that you were able to fight back against Sonic.EXE means that your mind is recovering," Waylon notes. "Maybe since you deleted him," Imaru pipes up, "he'll cease to exist forever." "It's not that simple," Waylon shook his head. "You weren't inside his origin when you deleted him. That was just one of his various versions." "Fuck 'My Immortal', I want to delete Sonic.EXE!" Muta exclaims. "One mission at a time, Team SOG," Waylon replies. "If the writer of this fanfic we're in right now gives you time, then you might get your chance. Fortunately, I have the controls to activate the portal, even though Bill is dead." He pulled out a laptop and began tapping on the keyboard, then a large swirling vortex appeared before our four heroes. "The portal will only be open for about 30 minutes. You have to finish the story, then get out in that time frame, or else you'll be stuck in there forever," Parks warned. "Well, why not? I've seen scarier stuff on the Deep Web," Muta got a running start and leapt inside. Imaru and Kyle followed after him. "If I don't come back from this," Ace says to Waylon, taking off his suit jacket, "tell my party that you're my successor as candidate. Keep those other three asshats out of office, whatever it takes." "Will do," Waylon gives an unseen nod as Ace dives into the portal. After being sucked through a generic scifi style wormhole, Team SOG landed right in the middle of the Mexican-Standoff style showdown being held between Voldemort, Enoby, Mavel, and Diablo. "O mi Satin, hoo the fuck are you preps?!" Enoby shouted as the four of them stood up. "We're four angry men, here to undo the damage you've done to our world," Ace said as he took out a lightsaber. "Where did you get that from?" Kyle asked. "This is a fanfiction. We can do whatever the fuck we want!" Ace took out a second saber and activated both of them. A blue blade in his right hand, a green one in the left. "Now we're talking!" Mutahar pulled Samus' arm cannon out of Hammer Space and slid it over his right hand. "How about this?" Kyle reached into his shirt and produced the BFG-9000 from DOOM. "You guys are thinking too small," Imaru said, retrieving the Dragon Dagger from his pants pockets. He played the flute melody, summoning the Dragonzord. He was teleported into the cockpit, and assumed the controls. "I told you I was going to bomb Hogwarts!" He locked onto the corrupted version of this childhood icon and fired the Dragonzord's finger rockets. The complex was bombarded, starting with Hogsmead, where all the concerts were held, and finishing with the dorms where Enoby slept. And for good measure, he set the Forbidden Forest on fire because that's where Enoby and Draco first had sex. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the song "Extraction Zone" by Dragonforce started playing in the background. "Wait, what the fuck?" Mutahar paused. "Well, no bad fanfiction/trollpasta crossover is complete without some shoe-horned in metal music," Kyle reasoned. "Plus, I have a feeling the author is a fan of Dragonforce." "Remind me to add that to the list of stuff I'm banning once the election's over," Ace remarks as he throws his green saber, decapitating Dumbledore. Then, the lyrics said "Alright, we've got a kill-streak coming up if anyone's interested." "At least the author picked a fitting song," Muta fired a charged shot at Vampire Potter, blasting him into the sky, where he disappeared with a "Ding" and a flash. "Noooo!!1111! You fukking poser preppy ass wholes!11" Enoby shouted as she pulled out a gun and fired at Kyle. "Say hello to my little friend!" he fired a fully charged shot from the Big Fucking Gun. Enoby dodged, but most of the rest of the corrupted characters who were gathered around were reduced to skeletons by the blast. The impact of the blast caused the ground to shake. The floor burst open, Godzilla, Mothra and Anguirus emerging from the crater. The three kaiju began attacking everything in sight. "Ok, this is getting ridiculous," Imaru remarked. Two small glowing lights appeared in front of Mutahar. They took the shape of two small women, who spoke in unison, with poor English dubbing lip synching. "Mutahar, Mothra has brought you help with her friends, Godzilla and Anguirus. You read the Godzilla NES Creepypasta, so she remembers you, and wants to help you in this task." "Great! Where is Solomon, though?" Muta looked around. "He and Acacius were the strongest monsters, weren't they?" "They were original creations by that story's author," the fairies answered. "Original characters. Do not steal. We couldn't get them to help, but this should be enough." "Really? THAT'S the one rule the author is following here? We're in the middle of a bad fanfiction, and he's going to follow THAT rule?" Ace shouted as he struck down B'loody Mary and Dracula. "We're just here. We don't make the rules," the fairies said as they disappeared. Godzilla and Imaru's Dragonzord continued their rampage, destroying all of Hogwarts and the surrounding areas. Anguirus rolled himself into a spiky ball and steamrolled over the nearest Hot Topic, and the Goth store where Tom Riddle was employed at. Mothra assaulted the nearest record stores with her antenna beams, attempting to destroy any and all MCR and otherwise "Gothic" music. After about 5 minutes, the entire area was reduced to ashes. "What happened to Ebony?" asked Ace, putting his lightsabers on his belt. "I didn't see her get killed." "As long as she's still alive, this story still exists," Kyle said, putting the BFG in his pocket. "Her and Willow, or Raven, whoever you wanna call her," Mutahar's arm changed back to normal. "We only have about 22 minutes until the portal closes, so we better find them fast." Godzilla let out a roar and began lumbering towards the center of London. Mothra's priestesses appeared again, standing in front of Ace. "Enoby has telepathic powers. So does Godzilla. He can sense her location. If you want to save London, and eliminate Enoby, you better hurry!" "Alright, then," Ace pulled out his next-gen iPhone and tapped the screen. The Mach 5 from Speed Racer fell from the sky, landing next to them. "That's not the car I tried to summon! I wanted the General Lee!" "Later, Ace!" Kyle said, climbing in the driver's seat. Mutahar jumped in the front seat, Ace took the back. The iconic anime car blasted forward, towards Britain's capital. Imaru followed behind in the Dragonzord. "I have her on my sensors," he said. "She's at London Bridge." "Alrighty then," Mutahar reached into the glove compartment of the Mach 5 and pulled out a Spartan Laser from Halo. "London bridge is-" "Don't you fucking say it," Ace interrupted. "London bridge is in range, asshat," Muta finished as he locked onto the base of the bridge. He could see a figure running along the side. With the tacky outfit she was wearing, which I won't describe because nobody cares about it, Mutahar knew it was Willow. Mutahar squeezed the trigger, charging his laser. After three seconds, it fired. The base of the bridge was blown to pieces, causing it to collapse. Willow summoned her broom and began trying to fly away. After the laser cooled off, Muta locked onto her, as the background music changed to the Duck Hunt theme. Another three seconds later, Raven's head was blown off by the giant red laser beam of death. She fell to the ground with a large bloody splat. "Alright, I've got Enoby's location," Imaru said. She's on the other side of the bridge. "Yeah, we can see," Kyle said sarcastically, as he approached the damaged bridge. Enoby was kneeling over Willow's dead body, crying tears of blood. "This car can jump, right?" "I don't fucking know!" Mutahar shouted. "I don't watch Speed Racer!" "Press the A button," Ace said. When the Mach 5 got to the edge of the bridge, the Automatic Jacks deployed, jumping the car across the bridge, coming to a screeching halt right in front of the two goth girls. As the three Youtubers exited the car, a wall of bayonets landed in front of them, forming a cage around Enoby. Alexander Anderson from Hellsing fell from the sky in a flurry of Bible Pages. "Oh, come on! You're bringing Hellsing into this now?" Mutahar shouts at the sky. "The Hellsing Organization is in charge of eliminating all vampiric and Satanic threats to England," says a female voice, as Integra Hellsing and the vampire Alucard step out of the shadows. "You are a disgrace to Vampires everywhere!" Alucard shouts as he aims his silver pistol at Enoby. "Not to mention you're an even more filthy heathen than the scum of Hellsing!" Anderson scowled. "Ok, Ok, this IS going too far," says a voice from the sky. Everybody looked up. "Anderson, Alucard, and Integra, you guys get lost. You'll have your chance to destroy her in another fanfiction." "Iscariot does not shirk when the enemy presents itself!" the Catholic priest protested. "But I'M the author of this parody!" the voice said, as the three Hellsing characters disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Ok, Team SOG, you may continue." "Um... thanks," Ace said, taking out his lightsabers again. Imaru knelt the Dragonzord down next to the collapsed bridge and exited his giant robot, carrying a Smash Ball from Super Smash Bros. "And now, we end this," Mutahar said, aiming his arm cannon at Enoby. "Noooo!!111 Why r u fukking perps dong ths 2 mee!?11/" "Because this story is an unholy abomination that doesn't deserve to exist!" Imaru shouts. "You have no idea of the damage you've caused! And now, we're going to purge you from the internet!" he shattered the Smash Ball, as all four of them began glowing with a powerful aura. Then, all four of them stood side by side, each with their own arm cannons. Mutahar was in the center, on his left was Ace, further left was Kyle, on Mutahar's right was another person they've never seen before, and on the far right was Imaru. All 5 charged up a blast from the arm cannons and fired a massive volley of lasers. Enoby was struck by the converging blasts, and thrown off-screen with a big explosion, followed by a loud voice shouting "GAME!" The glowing disappeared, and Team SOG returned to normal. They turned and looked at the 5th person. "Who the hell are you?" asked Mutahar. "Me?" he asked. "I'm the author! I'm the one who crafted this piece of shit parody fanfic. But I'm not gonna give my username, because if you read this on your channel, that would be me fishing for subs, so I'll just remain anonymous. I hope you enjoyed your revenge, and I hope I could make you laugh!" Then, the BGM changed to the Victory theme from Megaman X. After throwing his fist up in the air, the Author teleported away. "I'm not even surprised anymore," Imaru said. "Me either," Ace shook his head. He looked at his phone. "Hey, guys, we've only got a few minutes before the portal closes." "Everyone, into the Dragonzord!" Kyle shouts. As they board the giant mecha, they see Anguirus, Mothra, and Godzilla returning into the chasm they crawled from. Hogwarts, and the surrounding areas began to be repaired by a magical force. All of the characters returned to their normal selves, as if "My Immortal" never happened. "Well, how do we feel about this?" Mutahar asked. "Well, this story was almost as absurd as "My Little Trollpasta"," Ace said. "But not as dirty, or as long." "Nah, that story was WAY crazier," Kyle answered. "Well, regardless, I hope that things are better in the real world," Imaru sighs as he lands the Zord in front of the wormhole. As they approach the portal, Mothra's fairies appear again, waving goodbye to our heroes. As they step through the portal, they are teleported back to the complex where Waylon had brought them. "Welcome back!" Waylon said, setting his coffee cup down. "Looks like the mission was a success! Any traces of 'My Immortal' have been removed from the internet. The only thing that remains is anybody's memory of the story. Kyle, nobody thinks that you're the author anymore. Mutahar, your asylum record has been debunked. On an un-related note, Ace, your popularity in the polls has skyrocketed." "Sweet!" Ace said, picking his jacket back up. "But what about Imaru?" they all look at their friend. "Well, I'm kind of burned out on MCR, but I'm kind of interested in looking into Dragonforce now." "Don't do it, man!" Kyle urged. ....................so, where are they now? After destroying "My Immortal" from the face the Internet, Mercedes reviewed Mutahar's idea for the flying car. Being an engineer, he figured out the mechanics behind it and made it possible. They accepted his idea, and he became a multi-billionaire. He used his money to repair the Internet Gateway, and plans to eliminate Sonic.EXE from existence next. Kyle is no longer shamed as the author of "My Immortal", but is instead praised as a hero, and his Youtube subscriber count went way up. Also, he got tazed again, and pepper sprayed by the rest of Team SOG. Imaru got over his sexual addiction to My Chemical Romance, but instead took an interest in Dragonforce. Don't worry, though. He's not whoring himself out anymore. He sold all of his autographed MCR junk he got while he was addicted, and got a lot of money for it all, and bought himself a nice house. Acegon ended up winning the 2016 election in a landslide. Hillary demanded a re-count, like a little bitch, Trump threw a fit like a spoiled brat, and Sanders congratulated him on his victory. With "My Immortal" gone, there was no longer a need to ban Harry Potter or the bands mentioned in it. And you, the reader, I hope you could get a few chuckles out of how absurd this all was. Thanks for letting me waste some of your time with my nonsense! Category:Fanfiction Category:Fan Work Category:Crossover Category:Megaman Category:Dab Category:Super Smash Bros Category:Woodman approves